One afternoon when Logan was very young, maybe 5 weeks old, my husband came home to find me a sobbing mess! I was sitting on the couch with my beautiful baby in my arms nursing (a routine I did every two hours for at least 3 months) and balling my eyes out. Caleb asked what was wrong, and my answer seemed a little strange to him. "Someday our son is going to grow up and move out. He'll leave us, and get married. What if he never comes home to see me!?" I wasn't just sobbing - I was positive he would grow up, move away, and never visit or call.
I realize the point of childhood is to grow up and have your own life. However, there is nothing I enjoy more in life than being Logan's momma. I know I will find another focus or purpose, but nothing will ever be as good as this. Knowing my job is limited to the years he lives at home, I try to enjoy every day we spend together. These are moments I can never get back and they go by so fast. It seems like yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. . . unsure of what exactly we were supposed to do now that we were at home, alone with our infant son.
Logan will turn 8 in November. I am proud of the person he is becoming - smart, kind, compassionate, outgoing. He is so intelligent it worries me that I am not doing enough to help him reach his full potential. Before I know it he won't be here for me to sneak in his room at night to see his gorgeous face, watch movies with on a rainy day, or snuggle up and read together.
In the end all I can do is know I am doing my best for him. I will continue to enjoy every minute we have together, and try to show him all the love I can. Some days I just wish those minutes would slow down a little bit.
Give the kids in your life a big hug, go read a book with them - just love them as much as you can!
So well put, Beem. And let me just tell you that I am not crying. It is all so true.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I MISS YOU!