Stormy days

The rain is coming down, thunder is rolling, lightning cracking, and the house is dark even though it is almost noon. Today I was going to clean, put away laundry and try to get my house a little less cluttered. As I sit here in pain, pressure rising in my head, I wonder how I will be able to accomplish anything today. All I want is to be a good mother, good wife, and good friend, but sometimes just thinking seems impossible.
It's hard to explain what its like to feel pain at all times. . . in every moment, good or bad, I am in pain. Once I wrote a poem about my lifelong companion and how it may lay in the corner quietly or it may scream so loud I cannot pay attention to anything else. My son and my husband are who really suffer. I am the one feeling it, but they have to watch me feel it, live with it, and pick up the slack for me when I just can't. I know it sounds funny, but as a mother I would rather endure it myself than watch the ones I love suffer. It is hard for me to imagine Logan having my medical issues, so lets pray that he doesn't:)
I have prayed for years to have a second baby... to be honest, its what I want more than anything else in the world. However, this is a reality check, can I really feel good about bringing another baby into this situation? I didn't have any diagnosis when Logan was born, but now I do. So, in the spirit of being honest with myself, what is the best choice for our family? I have 25 years if damage built up which created a lot of permanent damage, with education and prevention that wouldn't have happened. I could have lived a relatively normal life had we known when I was younger.
As I sit, listen to thunder, and watch the rain run down the window I wonder how I will accomplish the many things I would like to today, tomorrow and throughout my life. Its hard to let go of dreams because you are sick. . . sometimes we have to let go of something to be able to see the path hiding behind it.