Logan is home for summer break and I am a very happy momma. The sun is shining, the lake is warm, and we are able to enjoy the boat with my Dad. These are simple things, but they make me happy.
My son finished first grade with a reading level of greater than seventh grade, overall functioning he is functioning at late fourth grade - early 5th grade level, all A's - some 100% . . . I cannot tell you how proud this makes me! I am unable to accomplish a lot of what I hoped for in life, but seeing him flourish makes me feel like I am doing something useful.
All our family lives within an hour of our home. We are able to see grandparents, parents, cousins, uncles, aunts - everyone. I feel blessed to be so close to those I love and can depend on. My brain surgery was on Logan's second birthday. I was not allowed to be alone with him for at least three months after surgery. So, I got a calendar and made a schedule - for three months, Monday - Friday, 8:00am - 5:30pm. I was lucky to have so many family and friends living close enough to help us for that amount of time. Beyond any help they have given us, Logan has been surrounded by people that love and support him. He is secure, kind, and intelligent - I truly believe having so much family around him has helped develop that confidence.
There are many more reasons for my to be thankful. May pain level has been higher than normal, and my nausea has increased - but, I am still a lucky girl in so many ways. I pray that I will be blessed with one more baby, hopefully a little girl. I pray that tomorrow will come and all the pain will be gone. For today I am happy with my amazing son, loving husband, and all the people that show up when I am need. Its not easy to love a person like me. . . always sick, always in pain, surgery every 18 months for six years. Some diseases/disorders go into remission, go away entirely, or are terminal. Mine is not one of those. I have permanent nerve damage from the many years of constant pain signals, the nerve endings are literally frayed and raw. I will most likely always have some level of pain in my head and neck. There is not much hope for my stomach either. So, I can see how it would be hard to be my friend or love me forever. Which is why I am thankful for those who choose to be my friend and for family that chooses to show up when I am down.
Waking up every day in pain makes me stop to think "why should I force myself out of bed today?" Sometimes it is hard to remember, but it always comes back to me when I see Logan's smiling face or Caleb wraps his around me. If I'm going to live my life in pain at least I can be surrounded by love.
