In the past writing has brought me peace, helped me process my thoughts and feelings, but since my last surgery I've found it difficult and exhausting. I haven't written a single journal entry, blog post, or even a simple poem for four years. Then, I started reading my old blog posts. I felt the strength of my thoughts, the pain in my words and the anxieties that come with chronic health problems, which made me sad. I also found many happy memories, joyous moments captured in time, and positive support from readers. With all that in mind, I decided even though sometimes it hurts to face life head on, sometimes feeling the hurt is the only way to move into the light and feel the joy. So, after not writing for a very long time, I picked up my journal and wrote. It felt good. I felt calmer after putting my joys and sorrows on the page, it felt like talking to an old friend. Now, I have decided to start writing my blog again. After reading comments left by a few readers saying my words helped or inspired them, I realized that's what I want right? To tell my story, process my feelings, and maybe end up making someone else feel better with my words.
I'm not going to try to update the past four years, but my oh my how things change. Don't get excited, my health is still poor and life is still hard most days...but L (my son) has grown into an amazing young man, we moved into a great house in the same town as my family and I haven't had a surgery since 2012! We have added an extremely sweet, extremely affectionate little rescue dog, named Piper, to our family. Overall, the past few years have been pretty good. I've added a few diagnoses, I've had to accept the fact that I won't be having the second baby we've always wanted and some major dramas have occurred, but as usual we found a way through it as a family.
Today, I will leave you with a happy story...
When L turned 10 years old the only thing he wanted for his birthday was to adopt a dog. We already had a pooch, Gordon, but he was very attached to me and L wanted a dog to bond with him in the same way. So, we started looking. L found a little, reddish brown, twenty-five pound, eight month old girl that was in an animal foster home. We made a deal that L would care for her, clean up after her and take her through the 4H dog obedience program. (I know what you're thinking, but let me finish.) The day this little, fury baby came home we discovered she had been returned to the foster group twice, she didn't really know her name or the word "no", and she wasn't properly housebroken. All of that aside, she was moody, hungry, and had a habit of hiding toys instead of playing with them. The first night L scooped her up to take her to bed with him, she lay down on top the blanket with her back to him and growled when he tried to snuggle. L was patient, kind and consistent with this little red dog he named after a Phish song. He cleaned up her messes, fed her, played with her, lover her, and with a little help, quickly housebroke her. Over time Piper became the most affectionate, sweet, gentle dog I have ever had in my life. She began sleeping under the covers, as close to Logan as she could get, then she discovered room on his pillows for her sweet face. The next spring L and Piper joined 4H. He learned how to be a good dog owner, how to train her in basic obedience and she learned to be good, polite, sociable pooch, she learned to focus on L's words and body language. The two of them completed three years of the 4H program, three obedience competitions, and two years of another competition called Rally.
There are many days Piper's love and affection bring light to my world. This little dog with a huge personality, with so much love to give. Most would say we rescued her, but really, she was just always meant to be with us. She lays next to me as I type, comfortable and secure between my legs and the back of the couch, her breathing slow and steady, this amazing dog that was returned twice so we could bring her home forever.
