My life as a mother, wife and zipperhead.: July 2012

Jul 30, 2012

Life lessons

I've been thinking a lot about Logan's upcoming birthday . . . ten years old. First of all, I cannot believe my little man is almost ten years old already! Then, I started asking myself if I have taught him all the things he needs to know by this point in his life? He knows all the basics that any ten year old should know: brush your teeth at least twice a day, tie your shoes when they come untied, eat well, do your homework, respect others, and try to make good choices. I know he is a very intelligent boy and he will be an amazing adult, but as his momma there is more I want to teach him. . .

Treat others as you would like to be treated - this includes living beings,
Always save some of your income - you never know when a storm is coming,
Read daily,
Laugh big,
Pet and play with your dog every single day,
Live well,
Take time to appreciate your life - moments big and small,
See the beauty in your surroundings,
This family will always have your back and love you no matter what,
Work hard, then play hard,
Don't ever be afraid of a challenge,
Don't ever be afraid to fail,
Treat yourself,
Treat your family with love, respect, and kindness,
Be positive,
Love with all you have,
Respect yourself and take care of your body - you're the only you we have,
And never, ever forget your momma loves you more than words can say

I would also like for him to learn Spanish and a musical instrument, but that is a slightly different kind of lesson than the list above. I'm sure there is more, but that is off the top of my head.

I know Logan can do amazing things in life, especially with the right guidance - I just hope we are giving him the best start he could have. This is something I think about daily, but in the end all I can do is hope we're making the best choices for his future.
I know I write a lot about my motherhood anxieties, but this is my "full time job". That's all for today. As always, I hope you're having a wonderful day and take the time to see the good in your life.

Jul 27, 2012

2012

If I had to sum up this year so far in one word it would be: challenging. . .
Logan was sick off and on from October to January, then consistently from January to April. He missed almost three months of school before it was over, was very sick, and had me sick with worry. After a trip to Riley Hospital and many painful days, Logan's colon started functioning again, he regained his strength and went back to school! He was able to maintain straight A's on his report cards and score 100% on Indiana's I-READ3 mandated test. In March the principal called and asked that I bring him in for testing, then he could come home as soon as he was done. . . Logan still scored in the 'pass plus' range for both math and language on the third grade I-STEP testing. Thankfully, he is doing well now. He returned to school full time the first week of April and is now off all meds. The silver lining to this big, black cloud is that he was scanned to look for Chiari Malformation and it was NEGATIVE!!

Around the same time my neck started having pain, clicking, and cracking. My local doctors feel surgery is needed do to problems with my cranial cervical fusion. My next post will have more details, but surgery number five is being scheduled soon.

There have been several other bumps in the road this year, but these are the two biggies. A few good things have happened too. . . My sister-in-law married a great man, Logan/Caleb/mother-in-law/father-in-law and I went to Chicago for spring break, and Caleb/I celebrated our tenth anniversary.

I will try to be a good blogger and post more frequently;) Between trying to keep up with Logan, enjoy summer, organize my messy house, and spend some time with family it has been a busy summer. Oh, and there is the matter of the little surgery I'm trying to schedule.

As usual, I hope you are doing well and taking the time to enjoy the little things in life!

Jul 10, 2012

Really real

In the past two months my neck/base of my skull have been awful. I woke up one morning, rolled over in bed, and my neck started clicking, popping, shifting, cracking, and feeling like someone kicked it. I called my primary care physician for an xray order to see if any hardware was broken. Then, we contacted my local orthopedic surgeon and after a CAT scan my fears were confirmed - I need a revision on my cranial cervical fusion. We tried injections with nerve blocks and steroids with no positive effects. I restarted physical therapy/cranial-sacral therapy, but this is beyond the help of all these modalities. Evidently my NY surgeons left the two titanium fusion rods two levels longer than the vertebrae they secured the rods to with screws. Now, six years later, the bottom of the rods are to close to my C-6/C-7 restricting motion, rubbing the vertebrae, and bone is trying to form between vertebrae and the rods - in other words, the clicking and popping noises in my neck are metal and bone hitting each other. To top that off, my left C-1 screw is protruding out the back of my vertebrae into "vessels". This seems to be causing odd shifting sensations, "creeky" hinge noises, cracking, pain, and squirty/bubbly sounds along the occipital ridge/base of my skull.

In the past few days I've realized my life is about to get really real - again. People walk through life everyday without real problems, true stresses, or issues that will truly effect their life long term. So many of us create the majority of our stress and anxieties by making poor choices, over reacting, being negative, or treating others badly. Sometimes its hard for me to have sympathy for people when they could easily alter there behavior and fix the problem... some of us aren't so lucky. It is hard to describe what it feels like before major surgery when you've already had several and know you'll have more in the future. The anticipation of the upcoming procedure mixed with the memories of painful past experiences leaves me anxious, stressed, and thinking about how long I can ignore the whole thing! I'm in the process of deciding who will do the surgery and where they will do it… Do I need to go back to NY? Did my NY doctors make a mistake when they installed my cranial cervical fusion hardware in 2006? Is any of my "residual pain" actually do to poor screw placement or rod length? Can my amazing, local orthopedic surgeon do the surgery here in IN safely? Should I get another opinion from another Chiari specialist? If so, who - an Indy doc, the renowned specialist in CO, or a doc in Chicago well known for his Chiari work?
Its just gotten so complicated. Three doctors agree, so far, that this is necessary surgery. They also agree it will not be an easy procedure for me. My surgeon will have to remove the left C-1 screw and right C-5 screw, plus shorten my two titanium rods by two vertebral levels. All of which is lies snuggly under layers of muscle, scar tissue, arthritis and a solid fusion. . . Did I mention I also have a large area of cerebral spinal built up at the base of my skull? And that my connective tissue disorder makes healing more difficult? Like I said, its gotten very complicated.
The more I talk about it or think about it the more real it seems. I'm scared. I'm sad because this may rule out any chance of a baby. I guess all I can do today is focus on the current task and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. This surgery is inevitable, but I'm not in a hurry. My family and doctors seem to disagree, so we'll see how long they let me get away with ignoring the situation and concentrating on Logan/I having a great summer!
I'll update once I have more information- I'm waiting to hear back from my NY surgeons after they view my latest CAT scans. Any prayers or good thoughts you can send my way would be appreciated. Thank you and I hope you're having a good day!