Today

Today I feel like shit. My pain level is elevated and it is hard to push through the pain when it is this high. I have been to physical therapy, iced my neck, taken my meds, and used my TENS unit this morning - but, my head is driving me crazy. I do not have time for pain today! My mother, son and I leave for NYC tomorrow morning to go to the Chiari Institute for my eighth trip in the last five years. I need to pack, clean, bake, and go to a meeting at Logan's school. . . I don't think it will all happen (; So, the feeling of a hot poker trying to push my left eye out, the pressure building at the base of my skull, and the constant feeling that I need to puke are really making it hard for me today.
This may be the most frustrating part of my disorders (outside of the constant pain)- I have no idea when or where I will feel so bad I cannot function. I may feel great one moment, and then start to feel a slight twinge of pain rising. Next thing I know I'm feeling like shit and what I thought I'd be doing has to wait. (FYI: when I say "feeling great" I mean that my pain level is a 1-3, and I'm not ready to hurl) I appreciate the fact that I can walk, and be take care of my son everyday, but sometimes it all just pisses me off. I want to be able to plan something, and know I will be able to follow through. I want to wake up and not have my first thought be, "my f#%*ing head hurts." So, today I feel like shit and I'm a little mad about it. I think thats okay - as long as I let it go and remember all the reasons my life is amazing.
I am ready to go see my docs and check in. I wish thats all it is - a check in appointment, but I will also have MRI's to look at why my leg hurts at the surgical site for my detether, why I'm vomiting regularly again, and a few other things that have been going on. I'm not ready to hear what they have to say. If they say, "This is all due to permanent nerve damage. This is as good as it gets" that kind of sucks. But, if they say, "we found something, you need another procedure" well, that sucks too. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Wish us luck, did I mention we're driving? Oh yes - my mother, six year old, and I are driving from Indy to NYC, Long Island actually. We are guessing 12-14 hours with stops(: I'll post after my appointment on Friday.