Purple is her color.

If you have read many of my posts you probably remember my some written about my angel, Baby Ava. She came into this world to teach us all a little something about life, but she was not meant to stay with us for long. Ava Jean Bryan would have turned one this coming Tuesday. We all miss her, love her, and would do anything for her to be with us - but that just wasn't His plan. As this milestone comes closer I have seen Ava's momma, Angie, find the strength to settle into her new life. Don't be mistaken, she will never move on, get over it, or be without that pain, but she is starting to settle into what life will be without Ava. I'm sure some of you have lost someone close to you and there are always moments when you stop to think, "I wish they were here," to feel this joy, see this beauty, or be part of a life changing moment. . . I can only imagine that she feels that everyday. Even in moments of pure joy, somewhere in her heart Angie will be thinking, "I wish Ava was here."
I was with Angie last night while she was working on a baby book for Ava. It was a beautiful, handmade scrapbook one of her crafty friends made as babyshower gift, so all she had to do was put in the pictures and captions. Angie made the comment that this was perfect for her because most traditional baby books have pages for writing things like babies first tooth, baby's first word, favorite food, and so on. I had never even thought of that. There are so many little things that people take for granted . . . how many of you have a baby book that you never even took the time to write in? I was reminded in that moment we all have something in life that is really hard, we all have something that consumes us at some point, but it is up to us to find a way to make it through. Angie is so strong and amazing, she is finding a way to live her life in the shadows of a deep loss and profound sadness. She is finding a way to move forward through all the pain, sadness, anger, and tears.
Ava helped me to remember that even on my darkest days, in my most painful moments, when I think I just can't do this anymore - there is always someone in more pain, more misery, and worse health. I wish my life were different and some days it is hard to accept that I will be in pain every second of the rest of my life, but I'm here with an amazing family and good friends. I may not be living in my dream house, drive a fancy car, or go on lavish vacations, but I don't need those things to have a full life and be happy.
Ava fought over two months to stay strong, beating the odds time after time. Angie's hope, love, and devotion never fading for a second. The two of them have a bond stronger than most mothers/babies. They made a deal in one of their many late night talks - Angie understood she had to go, she understood she was meant to change lives and she did, so now Angie would have to carry on her message. As hard as it has been, I know Ava is proud of her mommy - Angie has started an annual Baby Ava Legwarmer, toys, and clothes drive to benefit the children at Riley Hospital for Children, and has plans to start a Baby Ava Charity. I continue to feel connected to Ava, just before Mother's Day after thinking of her all day I felt a very strong need to dye Angie a purple scarf. Purple was Ava's color, and I know she wanted me her mommy to have a beautiful, purple scarf for Mother's Day.
It is so easy to get caught up in our own lives - we may not talk to the people that mean the most to us as often as we should, we may not make time for the simple moments like just spending time with a good friend or taking advantage of the little time we have with you children. Life is hard enough, take the time to celebrate the good in your life, take the time to enjoy your life! Whether you realize it or not, every life is a gift not a given. . . Ava taught me that.