Pretty pink fingers and pretty pink toes:)

For the past few weeks I haven't posted much, I just haven't had much to say. I've never been an anxious person - if you know me, you know I can be stubborn and opinionated, but not anxious. Recently however anxiety has crept in, and I don't like it.

Here I am, just trying to have a great summer, but when its time to go to sleep after a long fun day my mind starts to go a little crazy with anxious thoughts. . . What should I have gotten done that day? Am I doing my best to be a good mom to Logan? Am I doing my best to be a good daughter/wife/friend? Will I ever feel better? Will I feel good enough to get up in the morning? How many days do I have with Logan before he goes back to school? I'm sure most moms have run away thoughts, especially at night, but I'm thirty-two and have really only felt anxiety about three things: my health/surgeries, Logan growing up way too fast, and having another baby. So, when this started recently I was surprised. My dad has been a worrier ever since I can remember, I know he lies awake at night turning things over in his head, but are nightly anxieties hereditary? All I know is I don't like it! I've always had a hard time sleeping, but thats due to neurological damage not a wandering mind.

I'll let you know how the anxiety goes - I don't expect it to lighten up until after we get through a few doctor appointments, and Logan is back in school. August 4 I am scheduled to see my orthopedic surgeon to talk about a pain I'm having at my T-8 (my eighth thoracic vertebrae). Last December an MRI showed a slight bulge at that level, and now I'm having pain. So, I'm hoping he's just going to tell me to go to physical therapy and use ice/heat, but this may cause a problem with us trying to get pregnant again. Of course, right when I feel like I can get off my meds and start trying soon, something will go wrong with my health. Let's hope/pray its nothing major and won't effect our plans.

Then, August 5 Logan is scheduled to go to the Riley Children's Hospital Genetics Clinic. I received a letter/paperwork from them, and apparently they do some testing the day of the appointment. I am dreading the testing - Logan has been lucky enough to have never needed bloodwork or anything requiring a needle outside of childhood vaccinations. I'm sure there will be blood drawn, a skin biopsy, and who knows what else. There will be another appointment to discuss the results, any diagnosis, and what to do with that information - including further family planning.

For now I'm trying to do things that make me happy - spending as much time as possible with Logan, hanging out on the lake with my family, loving on my hubby, eating yummy food, reading a good book, watching a little reality TV, and enjoying sweet treats! Oh, I can't forget - my pink fingers and toes! I wasn't a "girly-girl" until after Logan was born, but ever since he came along I've loved pink. My mom would tell you I hated wearing anything pink as a little girl, or as a big girl for that matter, but as a momma I love pink. So, as simple as it sounds, having pretty pink fingers and pretty pink toes just makes me smile. Recently I went to a bridal shower for my cousin's fiance - each party goer was given a little hemp purse filled with things to keep your nails looking good at the beach! The wedding is in Florida this September and now all of us girls will have pretty, bright fingers and toes. Each of us were given super bright, fun nail polish and I LOVE my color! I've never worn neon colors on my nails, but I discovered its a nice way to brighten my day.

What are the little things that bring you happiness? Is it eating a piece of chocolate, hugging your kids, kissing your husband? All those little moments strung together can make a very happy life filled with simple pleasures, laughter, and true joy.