Today we celebrated the first birthday of our dear friend's son, Cole. Cole's daddy went to school with myself and Caleb, we've known him over fifteen years. He is one of a group of men that has all been friends with my husband and I since high school or before. These guys have been through it all together - parties, sports, girlfriends, breakups, fights, weddings, surgeries, births, and funerals. We've grown up together and now our children our growing up together:)
As happy of an occasion as today was, there was one person obviously missing, our sweet Ava. I worried about her mommy and daddy, knowing that she would have been part of this celebration had fate allowed. Then, I realized today must have been bittersweet for them, but on some level everyday must be bittersweet. So, I prayed for them. I prayed for something to lighten the weight that lies on their hearts, I prayed for days like today to be a little easier and as always I prayed for continued strength. I know Ava was with us today, seeing we are all together again sharing our love for each other, and appreciating it a little more than usual because of her. Ava gave us so many gifts and cherishing our time together is just one.
I'm learning that as challenging as my situation is, and as hard-fought as my journey has been, there is always someone going through something as hard, or harder. Life teaches lessons in different ways, but it always gets the message across. I wish there were a reason for some of these things, or someone to blame- anger is much easier than grief, at least then there's a focus for your emotion. Grief is a unrelenting, and unmanageable, grabbing a hold of you at the most inopportune moments. It can be grief over a lost loved one, a recent divorce, or the realization that you're life will always be consumed by pain and poor health. Life is bittersweet, I guess some days are just much more bitter than others.
Today everyone laughed, ate, and had a good time. We hugged a little tighter, we told each other "I love you", and we spent the day just being together. Ava is with us always, and today she smiled knowing we had remembered her lesson, we got her message.
I have spent some time reading your post and I must say you are one amazing woman. You are so right about where we all were, and where we are now. I also think of these things daily. Am so thankful to have so many of my sons friends in my life. Who would have thought that a mother that no one wanted to be around years ago, would now be so accepted...love you all so much. You all are my life, my family......
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